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Let Go & Let God

Does anyone else feel like their tank has been stuck on "E" for the past couple of months?


I feel like I am a robot, fueled by endless cups of coffee and no more than 5 hours of sleep on any given night. My mind seems to be in a haze, and I can't shake it.


Now, if you know me, you probably - actually, definitely - know that I am an emotional gal. Just the sight of a puppy has the ability to bring me to tears. So, it may be of no surprise to you that my tear ducts have had rigorous, daily workouts lately. Sometimes, they'll start going and I won't even know why. Exciting.


Through my exhaustion and frustration, I began to question God. Big no-no, I know, but hey, here's a disclaimer for ya: I'm human.


"Why do I have to work so many hours? Why do I have a professor who has assigned an insane amount of daily work for the next 5 weeks? Why can't life go back to normal?"



Why can't I hold it together, like a good Christian would?




These nagging questions became a source of anxiety for me, and I found that my physical exhaustion was also a derivation of my negative mentality.



The thing is, though, I don't want to be negative. I don't want to be tired anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm dragging through.


I have been full of so much faith for so long - how could I falter now?! I have spent more time in the Word than ever before, how could I question its truth? I am a child of God, how could I feel so defeated?


Where I have been wrong, is that my feelings are not a depiction of my identity as a Christian. Just because I believe we will see victory, doesn't mean the enemy is exempt from trying to sway my thoughts otherwise. Jesus even reminds us that:


"In this world you will have trouble."


We are going to experience anger. We are going to experience sorrow. We are going to experience exhaustion.


These are all ploys of the enemy to keep us off course. They are lies to keep our eyes wandering in every direction but above.


But the next line of this verse needs to be written on our hearts, and maybe, just maaaaaybe, our foreheads...


"But take heart! I have overcome the world."


- John 16:33 -


What a powerful reminder. Even when it doesn't feel like it, God is in control.

He is in control of our nation. He is in control of our government. He is in control of every little thing.


Which also means: He is in control of your circumstances.


I don't know why He chose the specific job I have, or the insane professor who clearly is...passionate... about his job to teach my summer class. I don't know why He placed me in New York, or why He decided I would be where I am at this exact moment in my life, but I have to remember that He knows better than I do.


He knows what is best for us, even when it doesn't feel good. He knows why, and that's all that matters. He is in full control, and we are not, which should be a breath of fresh air. When we can begin to grasp that, we can rest assured that He will open doors that no man can shut for us. He will strengthen us and use us right where we are. He will bring everything in our lives to full fruition in His perfect timing.


In Psalm 13, David begins with similar questions that seem to linger in my heart lately.


"How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?"


It's okay to ask these questions. It's okay to face these emotions head on. The issue arises when we remain fixated on these questions instead of leaving them in the hands of Jesus.


Following these authentic feelings, David turns his psalm into a song of praise.


"BUT I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me."


But. I love that. I love Bible "but's." Laugh, it's good for you.


I am tired. BUT I can do all things with God's strength.

I am confused. BUT I know God is in control.

I have nothing left. BUT I am filled with the One who gives me everything I need.


When we are at our breaking point, it's so important to be real with God, but to also then follow this with praise & thanksgiving.


Remember what He has done for you. Remember His promises to you, and rest in His goodness.


Take your mind off of this world for a hot second. The news titles are not your foundation or source of strength. God is. Remember that, and keep going. He's got you!

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