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When Insecurity Strikes Again

Hey y'all (yes, 6 weeks into this move down south, and it's already sinking in).


So, it's been an insanely busy past few weeks. I've been meaning to post updates and write more blogs, but, life - ya know?


Here's a random list of updates, in case you care:

  • Cook Out is my new favorite fast-food place. I've never actually eaten their food, but I have had about 12 milkshakes from there in the past two weeks. They are AMAZING. Thank you to the good Lord for them.

  • I joined a soccer league! Yes, I had been praying for this because the only sports activity that was being offered was Ultimate Frisbee, and my lack of hand-eye coordination has not been my friend on the field. Some of the people in my office put together a soccer team, and they asked me to be a part of it. SO, I get to play the sport I'm actually somewhat decent at, AND, I just gained like 10 friends. Wins all around here.

  • Working in a church has caused me to read my Bible less. Gasp, Dax - you heathen! I know. But, before you crucify me, hear me out. When your job is to watch sermons and create content for others from Biblical passages, you can start to forget to take it in for yourself, too. It seems totally ironic, I get that. But, it's real. And I need to be more intentional about taking time to read the Word for my own personal digestion, rather than constantly thinking how it could apply for others. Pray on this for me, fam.

  • I still struggle with insecurity.

And this little update right here deserves an explanation that will serve as the rest of this blog post.


You know, for someone who is writing a book on how to overcome insecurity and preaching to everyone around her about finding their identity in Christ and not people, I probably shouldn't be admitting this to you. It will probably diminish any sort of credibility I have, but I promise that I have the wisdom on how to overcome this - I just seemed to stop applying it to my life.


A new environment has caused a lot of excitement in me, but it has also resurfaced a lot of unfamiliarity and anxiety.


I was given this chance to essentially start over. I could be whoever I wanted to be.


The problem with this thinking is that we will always feel uncomfortable unless we are confident in being who God created us to be.


I found myself walking around the office, trying to impress every single person according to what I thought they wanted to me to be like. I've changed my outfits four hundred times in the morning and spent a good amount of time scrolling through my Instagram feed to ensure it makes me look "cool".


I've been so consumed by my appearance that I forgot to work on the part of me that should be the most important: my heart.


Instead of striving to make sure my new community found me "acceptable", I could be spending more time focused on my relationship with God, and developing my character to look more like Jesus'.


I'm not saying that it's a sin to take time to work on your appearance, or to be cognizant of others. Believe me, ya girl loves a good outfit. BUT, when that becomes an unhealthy obsession that starts to determine your worth/value, it becomes an idol.


That's where I found myself slipping, again.


When insecurity began knocking on my door again, I started fighting the battle in the mirror more than in the Word. I've been spending more time staring at my love handles than loving others around me. This, my friends, is detrimental.


 

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7


 

If God focuses more on the condition of the heart than outward appearance, why do we strive to impress people who care more about looks than our heart?


The problem has not been recognizing that I'm struggling with insecurity, it's been figuring out how to overcome that. So, for anyone also finding themselves obsessing over the opinions of other people, let's dive into this together.


1. Stop looking to the mirror for affirmation, and look to the Word.


I went to a coffee shop the other day, and as I was sulking over my thin hair that seems to be shrinking by the day, something caught the corner of my eye. The words "You are beautiful" were painted on the wall behind me. As I read them, I smiled. I took my eyes off of myself, and allowed those words to sink into my heart. Fix your focus. Write scripture on your mirror, post sticky-notes on your bathroom walls, keep your Bible next to your sink. I don't know what will work best for you, but make sure you remind yourself of what God says about you more than you try to fill your mind with lies.


- See: Psalm 139, Jeremiah 1:5, Matthew 6:28-33


2. Remember Who you answer to.


I was playing soccer in a thunderstorm, and while I hoped lightning wouldn't pick me as its striking target, I couldn't help but think about dying some dramatic death on the field while the rest of the team stares in awe of me getting fried to bits. Dramatic, I know. But sometimes, I think about that moment when we do die. And how this world will just crumble away so quickly. And we'll be standing face-to-face with our Maker. What will we have to say to Him? What will we have to offer Him?


In comparison to eternity, our time here is short. And sometimes, we get so wrapped up in trying to impress people who have no eternal reward to offer us. When this life is over, the only one whose judgment will matter is God's. Of course, He is gracious, loving, and patient with us, but when we ignore His opinion and strive to gain worth and value from others, we lose precious time that we could be spending for the Kingdom.


3. Give yourself some grace.

If I'm being honest, most of the time, my insecurity is a direct result of my own disappointment. I find myself wishing I was farther along in certain areas, or backsliding in others, and turn that into a self-pity party, which loves to invite all of the neighbors: doubt, ridicule, and fear.


Doubt - that I'm making progress, or will ever be able to live out my calling.

Ridicule - of myself and my shortcomings.

Fear - that I'm never going to be enough.


And there it is. The cycle of harsh and unrealistic standards that keeps me from seeing myself as anything but a failure.


This is a dangerous place to live. Because here's the truth: we're all far from perfect. We each have different areas that we are weak in, and others that we may be stronger in, but will always be improving. This lack of perfection is the greatest canvas God has to display His glory through us.


But when we sulk in self-pity, we pridefully dismiss the truth that God can use us in our imperfection. He chose us before we were born. He made us the exact way that we are, and He has a purpose for it. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Which means, wherever we feel unqualified, unable, or unfit, God's power is able to work through those places to show others how great He is.


This keeps us from getting the credit, and also points others to Jesus.


So, next time you face an insecurity, remind yourself that God isn't shocked by it, or disappointed by it. When you bring it to Him, He will show you how He can transform it into a strength by His power.


But, that requires letting go, and giving yourself grace. God never asked us to be perfect, and we never will be. So, what makes you think you have to be? (I'm really just typing this to myself at this point...)


So, wherever you are, and whatever you're facing, please know this: you are doing better than you think. You are chosen, fearfully & wonderfully made, and loved so so much by a God who intentionally decided to create you and bring you into this world.


How rad is that?


Even if no one else does, God finds you valuable, beautiful, and worthy.


Never forget it. ♡










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