top of page
Search

Who Am I Supposed to Be?

If I could introduce you to any age Danielle, and allow you to hang out with her for the day, I'd choose four-year-old Danielle. With only four years of life experience, little Danielle had the exact recipe needed to conquer the world: 1 cup spunky, 1/2 cup "Don't Care What Ya Think", 1 cup resilient, 2 cups messy hair don't care, 1 tablespoon creativity.


This chick was an avid reader/writer/teacher to her stuffed animals. She wasn't afraid to get her knees dirty, or tear her tutu while playing football in the backyard.


She was a warrior, and she LOVED a good audience. Whatever was on her mind was never a mystery, it was always displayed on a full canvas for her family and friends to see. Little Danielle was really something else.


Now, I don't really remember being four years old. However, I do have the necessary evidence to provide backup. Thank God my father thought it was necessary to videotape every waking moment of our lives from our early years. While stuffing my face with popcorn, I laugh and tear up simultaneously while watching little Danielle steal the screen. She is undoubtedly fierce, and certainly a riot, but she is also everything I strive to be.


She is confident, and she knows her identity. When she wants to read, she does. She writes and proudly blurts her stories and ideas aloud. She has no shame lining up her stuffed animals and ordering them to write a six-page paper. She never forgets to tuck her baby doll in, or to make sure her plastic child is well-nourished with plastic milk.


She is who she is, and she doesn't hide it.


I think about her a lot in my old age of 24.


I picture her sitting in front of me, right now, with her arms folded, her uneven bangs slightly covering her curious, brown eyes and that slight look of confusion and anger staining her face. She would probably turn her head slightly sideways, take a huge bite out of chicken fingers, and ask me, with her mouth full, "what happened to you?"


She would wonder if I still write, or love to read. She'd ask where my real baby is, or if I was a professional athlete. She'd ask what color my room is, and if her brothers were still big pains in the butt.


I'd laugh and nod at that one.


She'd go on and on, taking more bites of those chicken fingers, and her gaze would never depart from mine. She'd be seriously curious. What happened to you?


Of course, my defense would immediately go up. Yes, Danielle, I do indeed still love to read. I just don't have all of the time in the world like you used to to be able to crack open books every five seconds. Yes, Danielle, I do write, just not as often as I'd like to. No, Danielle, I was never quite good enough to play professionally, and as life would have it, there's no baby or sign of one in any sort of near future. My room is gray...


"Gray?" she'd ask, in a sort of disgust that would pierce my heart with unwarranted force.


"Yes, gray. It's modern."

"It's b-o-r-i-n-g."

"Well, the neon green had to go at some point chickie."

"Why?"

"I don't really know."


She'd hate that answer.

As most four-year-olds would be, she'd be in deep confusion.


"Have you written a book or something?"

"Nope."

"Huh." More confusion. "Why not?"


I'd try to explain to her that life happens, but then I'd pause.

Yeah, Danielle, why not?


I've spent the last couple years of my life in slight quarter-life crisis mode.

When it comes down to the root of it, the real dilemma is this:


Who am I supposed to be?!


I have finally come to a point in my life where I'm truly chasing after God, and yearning to be exactly who He intended me to be. BUT, I constantly wake up with the frustration that there is not an exact title written on my bedroom wall in neon writing for me to grasp who that truly is. Wouldn't life be a whole lot easier if you woke up and God had written "NURSE" on your wall? Then you could gladly enroll in a nursing program and confidently move forward in the career aspect of your life.


For me, I feel like I'm being pulled in a million different directions, and I'm constantly in worry that I am not being who God designed me to be.


And then, I think of little Danielle.


And, I think of Psalm 139 (which I have written in ruby red lipstick on my mirror...)

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

God isn't waiting for us to figure it out. He isn't waiting for us to turn 30 so He can finally reveal who we truly are.


He knows EXACTLY who we are and what we were created to do from the moment He created us in our mother's womb.


If I want any sort of illustration of what that is, or more importantly WHO that is, I should be taking a look at who Danielle was before she let the world start to shape her identity. I should be looking at the Danielle who was nearly fresh out the womb, confident in who her Creator had made her to be.


And when I do look at her, or think of her, it brings tears to my eyes.


I am a writer.

I love to read.

I have a passion to teach.

I yearn to be a mother.

I am bold.

I want my message to be heard.

I want my face to be seen.

I am tough.

I am resilient.

I am creative.


And, I can be all of those things.


So, it's no wonder I have a job in marketing and hospitality, while working to obtain my Master's in Education. It's a no-brainer that I originally was interested in Broadcast Journalism, and instead turned that into a blog/vlog/podcast hobby.


It's comforting to know that every little inch of my being was created specifically for His kingdom, and I can't miss my calling if I'm chasing the exact passions that have always been knit in my inner being.


God will create opportunities and open doors that coincide with who He made you to be. He'll surround you with the right people and the exact circumstances to get you into a position to do the job He has called you to do.


I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I need to make more time for the things that God instills in my heart. I need to be fearlessly me, just like four-year-old Danielle. I need to forget what the world thinks, or the influences that may try to alter my path, and focus solely on the passions that God has called me to.


I don't know where I'll be in a few years, but I do know that I'll still be reading, writing, teaching, and striving to beat SOMEONE 1v1 on the soccer field.


If you are struggling to figure out who you truly are, or what your call is supposed to be, think back. Think about the little girl or boy you used to be, and what they enjoyed doing. What did they gravitate towards? What were prominent personality traits that illuminated from their being?


These clues can give us insight on who God intended for each of us to be.


EMBRACE them, and watch what God can do through you.

0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page